Letter from Gaara
by lelliott09
Summary: Oneshot.  Read and review, please.
1. Training years (pre-Shippuden)

_Matsuri:_

_Forgive me for sending you a letter instead of telling you in person. Given the circumstances of our relationship, I cannot express publicly what I want to say._

_As your sensei, I can only say that I am proud to have been a part of your growth as a kunoichi. I admire your perseverance, you ability to push through your grief and become a fine shinobi._

_As your closest friend and confidante, I must say... Our relationship has not changed at all. Which is understandable, given the fact that if it were anything else, it would be considered taboo. However, human beings have a funny way of following their hearts and ignoring their sense of right and wrong. I cannot exclude myself from this species, even though I am a jinchuuriki._

_Last night I had a revelation: If I am indeed human, and if it is human nature to follow our dreams and our deepest desires, why shouldn't I?_

_Yes, I know I've said that I aspire to become Kazekage. But there is one greater thing I desire.  
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_Can you guess? Can you imagine the agony I've suffered, knowing what I want is right in front of me, but unattainable?_

_I've tried to keep this to myself, but I shall burst apart from prolonged silence if I cannot fully express myself to you._

_Love is a strange thing, Matsuri. It ignores discrimination. It looks inside the heart of the other person and sees what is beautiful. It cannot be contained within one person for very long. _

_It must be shared with another._

_If you're still in the dark about this, remember: A shinobi must read underneath the hidden meaning._

_~Gaara~  
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	2. Shippuden version (post-resurrection)

My dearest friend:

I can't sleep tonight. I never could, but you know that. I keep thinking about what happened this week. Especially about you.

As Kazekage, I am required to keep my relationships professional, which entails a measure of decorum and a sense of morality. That morality is constantly reminding me that my relationship with you is no exception.

I've been unfair to you, Matsuri. I can no longer keep this to myself.

I... I think it's time that you knew about my feelings for you.

I'll start from when I was captured. I remember passing out from exhaustion after I fought with that blond Akatsuki member. When I came around, I was in a cave, trapped in their jutsu. Shukaku was being extracted from me. It's an excruciatingly painful process. I couldn't think straight for a while.

I passed out again, this time from the pain, and then I woke up in a world of white light. As my eyes adjusted to the brightness, my head cleared. I had three days to think deeply about my life: my joys, my regrets, my friends that I was going to leave behind. The usual things that you'd think of if you were dying.

I haven't had much joy in my life, but I treasure the few moments of happiness that the gods have blessed me with just as much as the lessons I've learned from the moments of sadness. One of those rare joys was meeting you. I don't know that I would have succeeded in forming bonds with the villagers without your constant compassion and support. I owe you more than can be repaid. Please accept my sincere feelings of gratitude in return for your kindness.

I thought about you for a long time in that white world. I remembered your smile, your bright, honest eyes that look on me with admiration and respect, and the passion for life that you exhibit daily. The way your silky hair lifts in the breeze before a sandstorm. The way you would bite your lip and frown in concentration when we trained together. I could go on and on about you, but you get the idea.

I knew you would be sad, and I wished that I could somehow find a way to see you again, to tell you that I would understand if you cried, but I didn't want you to be sad forever. That even though I was dead, I was finally free of the monster sealed within me.

I realized in that moment... how much you truly cared for me.

You... you're in love with me, aren't you?

I know that now.

And I...

I'm so sorry. I should have told you a long time ago.

I...

I love you, Matsuri.

I don't know that there was a time when I knew you that I didn't have at least one reason to be as completely and passionately and deeply in love with you as I am.

And in that world, my heart was breaking for both of us, for our unfortunate and unexpected separation. I thought in vain that I wouldn't have a chance to tell you all of this.

I've never felt so alone.

And then I slowly forgot myself and died.

...

I came alive just as slowly as I had died, blinking in the afternoon sun. The first thing I saw was Naruto's face. He smiled at me in relief as I stared in awe at the crowd of Suna shinobi.

I was truly touched by their willingness to come and save me, and by their expressions of relief and happiness.

But then I thought of you, and my heart sank. I couldn't find you in the crowd. I wanted so much to see you again. I had built up my hopes, thinking that I'd look up and see you there... you, and your captivating smile.

And then... it was like you knew that it was exactly what I wanted. You rushed in and asked if I was ok.

I could tell by the tear-stains on your cheeks and the lingering moisture on your eyelashes that you had been crying for me.

My chest grew liable to bursting with happiness.

All I wanted to do was take you in my arms and kiss you senseless. My heart soared above the few clouds that hung in the late afternoon sky. But there were too many people watching, and I was still weakened from being dead for a day. I could only manage a slow nod and a faint smile of reassurance. Besides, I've never kissed a woman before. I don't know how.

You smiled warmly as I nodded, and I think I forgot to breathe when I saw your face turn red with sudden emotion and excitement. I was nervous, and a little embarrassed. I probably looked like a wreck, and here was a dazzling angel of mercy before me, bending to bind my heart-wounds and set me back on my feet.

I should apologize for pushing you away. You must understand that, even though I appreciated your concern, and was too weak to stand on my own, I still had pride as a man, and I didn't have the heart to tell you that you were breaking decorum. It's my worst fault. I'm sorry.

I meant to draw you aside and tell you all of this, but I've been buried under a pile of paperwork that has amassed in my absence. And I think that if I tried to tell you in person, I wouldn't quite convey my feelings in the way that I want you to understand them. I'm not exactly eloquent when it comes to attractive women.

So... come around to the office later today, and we'll talk. And maybe I'll still get to kiss you senseless.

My heart is yours, if you want it.

Gaara


	3. Matsuri's reaction

Matsuri opened her eyes as the sun peeked through her window.

"Mmm... hm? What's this letter...?"

The address simply read '茉莉へ'

"Oh... it's for me... but how..."

She sat up, studying the handwriting.

"That... that writing style is Gaara's, isn't it? Why would he send a letter to me, when he could just summon me to the office?"

She frowned in confusion.

"Unless..."

She gasped in realization.

"Oh, my God... he didn't... but would he?"

Her fingers shook as she opened the envelope.

"It's written on stationery paper, and everything..."

She began to read:

"He started with 'My dearest friend'... aww, that's so sweet... Gaara-sensei, you charmer..."

As she read, she picked up her bathrobe from where she'd left it, put it on, and paced around her room,

"'Please accept my feelings of gratitude in return for your kindness'. Oh... well, of course I'll accept them. You've shown me nothing less than patience and gentleness."

Her eyes dropped further down the page.

"His description of me is very sensual... about my hair, and my eyes, and... oh, my... um..."

Her stomach fluttered.

"He knows about my feelings?"

Matsuri stared at the letter in awe.

"He loves me?"

She blushed furiously.

"Gaara... is in love with me?!"

Her mind spun dizzily as she finished reading the letter, and soon it became difficult to breathe. She was obliged to slide down the wall to sit on the floor and attempt to compose herself.

"Two and a half years of waiting... and to think that all along, he's been..."

Tears gathered at her eyelids.

"It's just like him, though, to write a love letter instead of making an actual confession. He's really shy with women..."

She clutched the note to her chest.

"Gaara-sama..."

The image of his face flashed in her mind; his expression showing confusion and sleepiness, his full lips parted slightly to reveal perfectly straight white teeth, the pale green irises of his eyes glowing in the midst of dark eyelids. His crimson hair seemed to flow like water, caught in a gentle breeze,

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Matsuri-chan? Can we talk?"

She sobered quickly.

"Yeah, sure. H-hold on a minute. I... "

She hid the letter in the folds of her bathrobe, standing up in a hurry.

"I need to get dress-"

"I know about that letter. Just let me in."

"Sari, h-how did-?"

Sari came in to the room and sat on the bed.

"I slept on the couch last night, and... he came in, and I woke up. He told me about the letter, and explained that he just wanted to deliver it, and that he wasn't going to do anything weird."

"What did he do then?"

"I watched him come in here and sit on the bed, just where I'm sitting. He reached out a hand to push your hair back, left the letter in your hand, and leaned over to kiss you."

"H-he... kissed me?"

"Just on the forehead. I'm surprised he didn't wake you up."

"O-oh... um... gosh... h-he's really serious about... it's not a joke, then..."

Matsuri reached out to hold on to Sari's shoulders as another wave of dizziness crashed over her.

"Hey... Matsuri-chan? Get a hold of yourself... hey!"

She saw thick brown hair, and then Sari's nightdress, and then nothing.


	4. Matsuri's decision

The meeting ended late that afternoon, as the sun was just beginning to set over Sunagakure. Gaara stood pensively on the balcony for some time afterwards, his crimson overcoat fluttering in the slight breeze. He watched the sky fade from a clear blue to an orangey-pink, studded with clouds.

Suddenly he heard running footsteps from the inside, and then the door burst open. He heard panting behind him and turned around with a question on his lips, but when he saw who it was, he swallowed his irritation nervously.

"Matsuri...?"

She shut the door behind her, and backed up against it, catching her breath.

"Um... are you ok?" He frowned in concern.

She nodded.

He waited while she calmed herself, watching her shoulders rise and fall in an increasingly slowing rate. But when her breathing slowed into a normal rate, it remained shaky as she stared at him with wide eyes.

"Don't be frightened."

Gaara held out a shy hand to her.

"I won't hurt you."

She bit her lip.

"I'm just as scared as you are... if it helps to know..."

He stood patiently as she took deep breaths to calm her shakiness, and then took hesitant steps toward him.

As she reached him, she raised a hand to touch his own. He clasped it gently, as if to lean down and kiss it.

"I meant what I said in the letter."

She averted her gaze in embarrassment, blushing deeply.

"Please don't talk like that. I don't deserve—I mean, it's not that I don't like you, cause I _do_, but you're just too good for—"

"Don't be ashamed of yourself, Matsuri," he cut in softly, gathering her into his arms. "I told you I meant what I said."

She took a hitched breath, tears springing to her eyes.

"I love you."

She stood frozen to the spot in shock as he leaned in, lifting her face with one hand.

"You don't have to wait for me anymore."

Her eyes shut and her lips opened slightly on reflex.

And then she felt the uncertain but soft pressure of his lips on hers in a gentle kiss.

After a moment, he pulled away, watching her reaction.

"Gaara-sama..." she breathed incredulously.

He blushed. "Was it ok? Did I do it right?"

She nodded, her head spinning dizzily.

"Then... will you accept me?"

Another nod.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Hm..."

They embraced tightly.

"I love you so much, Gaara..."

"I know..."

He smiled slowly, his eyes softening.

"It's funny... we both think that we're too good for each-other... and yet, here we are..."

Matsuri buried her head into his shoulder, feeling hot tears of relief burning behind her shut eyelids. She sniffled quietly.

"It's ok... don't cry..."

"I—I'm sorry...!" she choked out. "I—I—I just... I'm so happy now... and you've always said that crying is a natural release of emotion...whether it's positive or negative..."

He stroked her back comfortingly while she cried.

"I can finally be open about my feelings for you, and that freedom has made me happier than I've ever been."

She clung to him tightly.

"U-um... can we just stay here like this for a while?"

"Yeah. I'm done with work for today."

They stood in each-other's arms on the roof until the sun had completely disappeared behind the walls of Sunagakure.

"It's late. You should go home."

"But..."

"We'll see each-other in the morning. I'll summon you here, or something."

He kissed her forehead.

"Go on home for now, and we'll plan a date tomorrow. Is that ok?"

Matsuri nodded.

"Good night."

"Yeah. See you in the morning."


End file.
